Sexual Desire
Text sent by Lucía.
What's the difference between desire and libido?
Desire is specifically sexual; it's the sexual drive that makes us want to make love. Libido represents something much broader.
Libido would correspond more to the drive of life, the source of all our desires... and thus also encompasses sexual desire. But the concept of libido has entered common language as a synonym for sexual desire, while for psychiatrists, it has a broader significance.
How is it possible to feel desire but not pleasure?
Desire and pleasure are two emotions linked to each other, but also very different. Even if we don't feel desire, sexual pleasure can be very intense. You might be confusing pleasure with orgasm. Indeed, most women who feel desire also achieve pleasure, but sometimes they don't reach orgasm. Because orgasm is the physical manifestation that pleasure has reached its peak intensity. The reflection of this is releasing this tension through orgasm.
If you can't reach that level, it might mean that you can still go further in the intensity of pleasure, that your orgasmic reflexes aren't very trained, that you don't let yourself go to reach maximum pleasure, that your partner hasn't yet found your user manual...
He has erection losses: does he desire me less?
In 99% of cases, no. Loss of erection is not usually a sign that libido towards his partner has decreased. Normally, when a man lives with a woman or is in a relationship with her, it means he desires her. In fact, most men claim to be more confident in their erection when they are with their regular partner than with a woman they are having an affair with. Loss of erection is more of a sign that can alert to possible health problems, so it's advisable to get a medical check-up.
It could be a hormonal problem, arterial, a consequence of the side effects of medication, or psychological anxiety issues. There are very effective medications to improve erection, which in fact do not act on desire. If they are effective, it's because they allow the erectile mechanism to be relaunched, not the desire.
I desired him much more at the beginning of our relationship. However, I still love him, is that normal?
Yes, it's normal. What gives great strength to desire is the absence of the other. When you miss someone, your desire increases considerably. At first, that feeling is always present. Not living or not being together often, the distance creates the need to see each other. And when a relationship begins, you can't know what will happen the next day.
This relationship can end at any moment, and we don't feel completely secure. That lack of security also increases libido. When the relationship is more stable, desire continues but is different. For a couple to last, it's necessary to be able to transform that desire into something deeper based on tolerance. That type of desire is less intense, deeper, more stable, and therefore less surprising, but it can also provide a lot of pleasure.
What can block sexual desire?
Desire can be blocked due to a health problem, medication, or relationship problems. Generally, throughout our lives, libido remains alive. But this sexual drive can be blocked by other emotions if they are very strong. It could be fear or, for example, resentment. In a couple, when there is significant resentment, desire is usually at a standstill.
If your desire is very low, even though your health is perfect, you should ask yourself: "Am I resentful towards my partner? If so, why?" The origin of the lack of desire is usually in the simple answer to this question!
Do hormones of desire really exist in women?
Yes, of course. Estrogens, the hormones secreted in greater quantity before ovulation, are very conducive to desire. Various studies have shown that they increase it. A woman feels more desire during her fertile moments, as if nature had planned to give her the urge to make love to reproduce. Testosterone, the male hormone, is also present in smaller quantities in the female bloodstream. This small amount is, however, very useful and very effective in stimulating desire.
When this hormone is very low, desire also decreases. It's what happens when some women take a pill based on cyproterone acetate, a pill against acne, which is also an anti-testosterone pill. There is a hormone called prolactin, which is an anti-sexual desire hormone. When levels are high (at the beginning of breastfeeding, for example, or abnormally when taking certain medications), desire plummets. Female desire is therefore not only psychological, it also depends on various hormones.
What's the difference between sexual arousal and sexual desire?
Sexual desire is a feeling, an emotion. It develops in the brain. Arousal, on the other hand, is the physical effect that sexual desire produces on the body. It is the practical realization of desire. Male erection and female lubrication are also signs of sexual arousal. Of course, desire precedes arousal; it's what leads to arousal. When the connection doesn't work well, you can feel a desire that doesn't turn into arousal.