How You Are According to Your Horoscope
Submitted by Ro.
ARIES
It's a Fire sign: THE SPARK Most evident trait: IMPETUOSITY Favorite phrase: FIRST! Motto: LIFE IS SHORT...., BETTER HURRY UP!
Aries never thinks about what they're going to do, in case someone beats them to it. That's why, when they walk, they do so with their head ahead of their body, and if someone arrives at the same time as them, at least they get ahead with their head: FIRST...! Aries goes from heart to action without reflection: they jump off the diving board, and halfway through, they discover there's no water in the pool...so what...? The word defeat doesn't exist in their vocabulary; after the fall, they get up with cynicism and dignity and exclaim: - Hey, change the water, it's getting thick! -
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TAURUS
It's an Earth sign: THE HOUSE Most evident trait: ENDLESS PATIENCE Favorite phrase: I THINK, THEREFORE I INSIST Motto: LIFE IS SHORT, ENJOY IT SLOWLY AND IT LASTS LONGER
Taurus, when walking, doesn't lift one foot unless the other is firmly on the ground. Therefore, more than walking, they create history with every step. Aries jumps off the diving board without looking, and Taurus, before getting on the diving board, knows the builder's name, the materials used, the water capacity, and the temperature degrees, and then they jump. Aries acts in life with determination, and Taurus with obstinacy. Aries wants everyone to obey them, and Taurus has infinite patience for others to change their minds. Therefore, their relationship could be this: Aries tells Taurus, who is ten meters away: Come here! That's determination. To which Taurus replies: No! And that's already obstinacy. The rest of the relationship could be as follows:
-Aries: Come here...! -Taurus: (without moving) No! -Aries: (takes two steps forward) Come here...! -Taurus: (without moving) No! -Aries: (takes two steps forward) Come here...! -Taurus: (without moving) No! -Aries: (takes two steps forward and stands in front of Taurus) That's how I like it, that you come to where I tell you!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GEMINI
It's an Air sign: THE GUST Most evident trait: BEING SEVERAL IN ONE Favorite phrase: TRUTH THAT EVERYTHING IS A LIE Motto: LIFE IS SHORT, BUT IF YOU DON'T DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE, IT GETS VERY TEDIOUS
It's a gust of air with a human body, which not only isn't seen coming but also isn't seen leaving. We all have a SELF that manages our character, but GEMINI has two SELVES, that is, YO-YO (sometimes they have more). One of them is sweet and encouraging, and the other is critical and rebellious. That's why Gemini has no middle ground: they either see your virtues or your defects, depending on which twin they get. If they get the sweet twin, they might say: - You look younger than ever....- But if you catch them with the rebellious twin, they might say: - I hope you reach the age you look -
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CANCER
It's a Water sign: THE SEA Most evident trait: SENTIMENTAL INSECURITY Favorite phrase: I FEEL, THEREFORE I AM Motto: LIFE IS SHORT; AT LEAST HAVE SOMEONE LOVE YOU
From the start, they don't give you a bit of trust; you have to earn it with affection and tenderness. And by telling them a thousand times that you love them, because Cancer, more than being sentimental, is a love vampire, and all the love seems little to them. You tell them: -I love you- And Cancer asks: - How much?-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LEO
It's a Fire sign: THE SUN Most evident trait: BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION Favorite phrase: BUT I'M STILL THE KING (or QUEEN) Motto: IF LIFE IS SHORT, POLISH IT
Leo is the star of the Zodiac, the one that shines the most. They are easily distinguished; it's that person who looks at a spotlight while exclaiming: Look at the light I'm giving to the spotlight!- Leo has a high concept of themselves. You meet a Leo and say: -Pleased to meet you- And Leo responds: -I understand-
They are easily spotted on the street because they don't walk: they parade on a runway. And if the street is full of shops, Leo will walk looking at the shop windows, not to see what's inside, but to see themselves reflected in the glass, while exclaiming:
-If I weren't so expensive, I'd buy myself-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- VIRGO
It's an Earth sign: THE HARVEST Most evident trait: WORRY Favorite phrase: ALLOW ME TO CORRECT YOU Motto: LIFE IS SHORT AND, BESIDES, NOTHING IS IN ITS PLACE
Virgo is a magnifying glass with legs that starts seeing where you end. They arrive at your house, and the first thing they do is run their finger over the TV to see if it has dust. And with that dry humor, they'll say: -Hey, this TV has character- What escapes Virgo! That's why their natural state is worry. Virgo spins around themselves repeating: -I'm worried, I'm worried...- Someone says: -But nothing's happening- And Virgo states: - That's what worries me the most! -
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LIBRA
It's an Air sign: THE BREEZE Most evident trait: DOUBT Favorite phrase: SOMETIMES YES, SOMETIMES NO... Motto: I HAVE NO DOUBT; LIFE IS SHORT...OR NOT?
They are mentally quick; their only drawback is that as soon as they have an idea, a doubt arises: -Yes, yes, I have it clear, this year I'm getting married...and if not this year, next year..., or in three years, no need to rush-
Libra's songs by Julio Iglesias are a treatise on indecision: neither I have you, nor I forget you, sometimes yes, sometimes no, neither your gray cat, nor your faithful dog. They are never completely sure, and that makes Libra an almost professional debater, but they will never admit it; you have to set traps for them, like for bears. You say: -You really like to argue!- And Libra will say: -That's not true..., and I'll argue with you as much as you want-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SCORPIO
It's a Water sign: THE MYSTERIOUS LAKES Most evident trait: PASSION Favorite phrase: I DESIRE YOU Motto: LIFE IS SHORT, ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST
They are easily recognized by their mysterious eyes. Scorpio doesn't look; they challenge you directly. Scorpio's eyes are like fine needles that pierce you when they impose their gaze. I suggest that when you see Scorpio face to face, you say: -Hey, please, lower your high beams, I can't see anything-
If you don't, they'll hypnotize you, and they are very passionate, excessively passionate. If they love you, they love you more than others, and if they hate you, the same. You give Scorpio a book for their birthday, and they give you an encyclopedia for yours. Loving is the same; you give them a kiss, and Scorpio makes love to you three times in a row. Hating also has no measure; you break their car window, and they burn your house. Of course, that's what Scorpio says: - I didn't start it-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SAGITTARIUS
It's a Fire sign: THE EMBER Most evident trait: TRUTH FIRST Favorite phrase: I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU Motto: LIFE IS SHORT, GALLOP AND CUT THE WIND
Their vitality is exhausting, and their smile always goes ahead of them. They have a delicate spirit and big feet that don't fit anywhere. They are recognized on the bus or subway: it's that person who's been stepping on your foot for more than ten minutes and hasn't realized it yet, because they look at you and smile: -Hi, hi,..!
And of course, someone who smiles at you like that, what are you going to say?, that they're stepping on you? Don't even think about it!, because Sagittarius will feel very sorry, lift their foot, and give you a kick in the shin. Sagittarius is sincere but not subtle, and if they insist on telling you the truth, sooner or later, they will. That's why I suggest that if someone of this sign approaches you and says: -I'll tell you the truth....- You say: -What did I do to you....?-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CAPRICORN
It's an Earth sign: THE MOUNTAIN Most evident trait: THINKS THEY'RE ESSENTIAL Favorite phrase: WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITHOUT ME Motto: LIFE IS SHORT, GOOD THING IT'S STEEP
They are a goat, and the goat always heads for the mountain. If you see a Capricorn jumping from a tenth floor, follow them!, they're heading upwards. More than in luck, they believe in effort, and that makes them a bit of a pest as a parent. Capricorn, to be happy, has to control everything, and if not, they get nervous. Like that Capricorn priest who was dying, and in agony, he said to the nuns who cared for him: -Oh, what will become of you when I die, who will care for you, who will guide your steps!- And one of the nuns, I think she was Leo, exclaimed: -Don't worry, Your Holiness, Jesus Christ also died, and we've managed-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AQUARIUS
It's an Air sign: THE WHIRLWIND OF COLORS Most evident trait: SURPRISE OTHERS Favorite phrase: WHAT DAY IS IT...? YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW? Motto: LIFE IS SHORT, SHORT IS LIFE, LIFE IS A SHORT LIFE. BY THE WAY, WHAT SHORT LIVES DO YOU HAVE?
They are a being from the future living in the present as if it were already the past. That's why they greet us as if we were prehistoric prototypes: -Hi Jurassic!, How's your primitive existence going?-
They love to surprise with words: -Last night when you weren't here, I missed you, and now that you are, I miss you even more-
Don't get confused, they're telling you they love you, but they enjoy being original. They have an idea per second; the only drawback is that they come up with an idea, and when they're about to do it, they come up with another, and another,...But if their body isn't stimulated, Aquarius will move less than a tennis referee. Like that Aquarius who said:
- I've had so many ideas this morning, that not only have I not done them, but I'm also exhausted-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PISCES
It's a Water sign: THE RIVER Most evident trait: DAYDREAMING Favorite phrase: GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? Motto: LIFE IS SHORT, BUT IF YOU DON'T DREAM, IT GETS REALLY LONG
They are the most sensitive in the Zodiac and have the spring of laughter and tears loose, so they switch from one to the other with unique ease. Pisces cries because their aunt died, and a moment later, they burst into laughter because the poor woman is so fat she doesn't fit in the coffin. Pisces, more than living, exists. That Pisces who looks enthusiastically at a sunset, someone approaches and says:
-What are you doing?- And Pisces says, without taking their eyes off the sunset: -Nothing- And the other says: -Aren't you bored?- And Pisces concludes: -If they don't interrupt me, no.